Posted by familylaw on 10th June 2024
Testing your perspective: A Divorce Coach’s guide to approaching divorce with resilience and hope

When a marriage ends it is easy to focus on the negatives and uncertainty.  We asked Divorce Coach Sally Jackson to share her thoughts on changing the narrative.

“I’m so sorry to hear your marriage is ending. I want you to know that I’m here for you anytime.”

While everyone’s experience with marriage and divorce is unique, I’ve seen many clients navigate this challenging path. Here are some things to think about.

Right now, it might feel like every aspect of your life is uncertain and scary. But remember, you’re not alone—42% of marriages end in divorce, and it’s the marriage that has failed, not you.

Divorce often impacts three big areas of our lives: how we deal with ourselves, our circle of family and friends, and our wider social network.

How We Deal with Ourselves

The clients I’ve seen who coped well seemed to have the ability to still remind themselves of what mattered most in their lives. It’s easy to focus on pain, criticism, judgment, fear of the unknown, and sudden anger. While acknowledging these emotions is important, be sure to also nurture yourself with love. Focus on what will sustain and heal you through this hurt. Spend time in nature, eat well even if you don’t feel like it, and daily recall what you love most. Concentrate on the gifts in your life and the good within and around you. Take a few deep, cleansing breaths and start your day thinking:

“I love the early morning because…”

“I love the smell of … because…”

“I love the sound of … because…”

“I love when … because…”

Then, just keep saying everything you love.

 Family and Friends

Please reach out. Don’t go through this process on your own. You may feel like isolating yourself, but this can increase your anxiety and stress, making this time even harder. Support from others is critical to your healing and mental health. Think about who can be your support system. Who can you share your feelings with and who can help you cope? There will be those who drain you, so choose those who recharge your energy. Make a plan for who you will go to for hugs, accountability, a walk, meals, and practical support. Ask now and get a plan in place before you need it.

Keep your children front and centre, not in the middle of your divorce. You will almost certainly need to compromise to put your children’s needs first.

Our Wider Circle

More than 75% of people find that divorce impacts their ability to work, whether it’s productivity, relationships with colleagues, or needing time off. Letting your employer know early can help with both your personal well-being and professional responsibilities. Don’t forget to inform your children’s school too, so they can provide extra support when needed.

You may also need professional help:

  • Legal Guidance: To help you understand your options, choices, and implications, and to protect your rights.
  • Financial Advice: To avoid pitfalls and help you plan for your future.
  • Coaching: To help you navigate the tumultuous emotions of divorce, so you can keep moving forward and gain the clarity and focus needed to make life-changing decisions.

Divorce isn’t just a painful time—it’s a journey of growth and discovery. While healing can take time, often several years, it also offers the chance to rediscover yourself and build a new, fulfilling life. Remember, you’re not alone, and with each courageous step forward, you’re moving closer to a brighter future”.

Divorce Coach Sally Jackson trained in coaching at the Divorce Coaching Academy and is a member of the Association of Coaching. Her expertise lies in providing practical and emotional support throughout the divorce process to lower costs, conflict, and stress, enabling clients to confidently embrace their next chapter. To contact Divorce Coach visit her website  Sally Jackson Coaching

Need some advice? Get in touch today

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